You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
