I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
