last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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