Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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