why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
