I just saw a hot homeless man
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
