My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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