Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize