Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Randomize