So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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