If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize