Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
