There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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