shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize