how can u be prego again
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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