also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize