just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
