he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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