Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
