How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize