This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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