cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
