When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
