sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My dick has a subreddit
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
