Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
