she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
