Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
