I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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