take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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