she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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