i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
