I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
