It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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