i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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