You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
