Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
