The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
