the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
