____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
