just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
