I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
