I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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