i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
