It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
