roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize