I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
