He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
