i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Someone shattered a urinal.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize