What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
