so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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