Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
