Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
