I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
