We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
