not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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