Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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