and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
