i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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