Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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